American Idol judge Simon Cowell says in a Playboy interview that he has never owned a Bob Dylan album, that he finds Bob Dylan boring, and that in effect American Idol (which is back on the air this week) will never be American Folk Idol.
This in itself is no surprise.
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You would no more expect American Idol to find the next Catpower than the next Dylan. Nonetheless, there are two important points I would like to address, and I hope Mr. Cowell will pause in all his glittering pop-star whirl to ponder them.
The first is how his comments provide yet another example of how, among the many ideologies that serve as fault lines in our world, there is the cult of Bob Dylan. There are those to whom Dylan is a god, one of the most important artistic forces to emerge in this country, a man who is to popular music what Picasso was to modern art. On the other hand - and I think of that hand as a small, crabbed, withered claw - there are those who think he is (per Cowell) a shrug. Such people at best will say something along the lines of " I cannot stand his voice, but he is an interesting lyricist. " I have no idea which camp is larger, only that obviously I am in the first, and that those in the second are wandering in the desert at twilight. They cannot see the white dove sleeping in the sand, and they kick it, and it is dead or its wings are broken anyway.
My other point, Mr. Cowell, is that one can be awakened from this sad state. I want to tell you - how odd: that sounds like Peggy Noonan, " I want to tell you " - I want to tell you my own story. It is, I hope, simple yet effective testimony. I, too, was absolutely indifferent to Bob Dylan until I was nearly 20. It amazes me now to realize this, but it is so.
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Think back to the days - or, if you are a very young reader, do your darnedest to imagine the days - when a teenage boy's prize possession would be his turntable and his collection of vinyl records. In those days I would listen to - what did I listen to? I listened to Sondheim musicals, Barbra Streisand, Linda Ronstadt, Aaron Copland and Vaughan Williams. I suspect you can gauge my level of high-school popularity from that list. By the time I was a senior I had begun listening to Joan Baez's old recordings of folk ballads about silver daggers, mothers dying in old West Virginia and so forth, and I knew her life was intimately linked to Dylan's, yet still he was excluded from my little record collection. I thought he was ugly and unpleasant. A kind friend at school - perhaps he pitied me, perhaps he simply wanted to share his own enthusiasm - lent me Dylan's greatest hits, told me I had to hear it. And so I played it on my cheap little turntable one afternoon. But it did nothing for me: Like Simon Cowell, I could not hear. I returned it to my friend, I told him just that - that it did nothing for me - and I even wrote a cruel little essay in which I believe I actually suggested that Liza Minnelli was the greater artist. I no longer recognize this person, but I remember this, so that person must have been me.
The actual moment of conversion came a few years later: First year of college, second semester, listening to Joni Mitchell in a friend's room - the transition from Baez and Ronstadt to Joni Mitchell had come as naturally as growing my hair longer, and boy my hair then was magnificent ... . And now a song came on the campus radio station. " Positively 4th Street. " And suddenly everything changed. I mean it. I heard that bouncy little intro - it has the spring of someone walking their dog down a Manhattan street. And then the song itself, the melody so up, the lyrics so mocking, the voice so happy with its own contempt, like the creature in the Stephen Crane poem who is eating his heart, and it is bitter, and he likes it. If I been on a horse headed for Damascus, I would have fallen off it and into the dirt. Ooooooooooooooooooh, whispered my mind and my heart and my lungs in unison. Ooooooooooooooh. Pretty much just like that.
Well I have never gotten tired of that voice, which always sounds like death singing through a comb and tissue paper. It's a beautiful voice, somehow managing to renew its mysterious power through the messy decades and what seem like rather haphazard stylistic experiments. Even at his weirdest - and I think " They Killed Him, " with Dylan singing about Gandhi backed by a children's choir, comes close - he is still above every other popular musical force I know. And someday, you know, someday Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul may be at the catering table, and Cowell is putting slices of ham on brioche, and someone in the back of the room is playing a recent Dylan album through tiny speakers hooked into an iPod. It's the song where Dylan wheezingly sings about how he's thinking about Alicia Keyes and crying ... .. And Cowell's heart, mind and lungs will say, " Ooooooooooooh. " And then American Idol will produce, who knows? The next Devendra Banhart? Or at least Mariah Carey strumming acoustic guitar and singing about the wagoner's lad who broke her heart.
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Simon Cowell on Bob Dylan: Boring
It’s somewhat ironic that Simon Cowell of American Idol... uh, notoriety,
has stated that Bob Dylan’s music “bores him to tears.” Moreover, “…the Bob Dylans of this world would (not) make American Idol a better show.” Cowell went on to say he preferred Kelly Clarkson and that he had “never bought a Dylan record.”
Well, wow.
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Should we all be devastated by the king of — how shall we put this gently? — mediocre pop that vanishes in a poof when the show ends? As Dylan would say, and I really couldn’t say it better, “The radio makes hideous sounds.” (Disclaimer: not always, certainly, but as a general rule, I don’t see much evidence of a major social change or movement the way Bob Dylan influenced us at any time during his life.)
One cannot take Cowell’s comments regarding Dylan as any serious criticism or something to be considered as other than what they really are beneath the surface - this is just another boring barb and snipe from the ever-so boring pithy and pissy and predictable Simon Cowell who likely just said it to garner publicity for himself and ride on Dylan’s coattails (which is disgusting — shame, shame Simon) .
After all, this is Simon Cowell for heaven’s sake — he who sits with his growingly flabby cheek propped on one elbow and his super-size Coke on the table before him. (How are the endorsements coming along Simon?) Have you made your millions? Certainly you have by now. You have sold your soul, sold yourself to the masses by being a pissed off ex-pat, which is easy because even I can do that as I’m proving right now. How much talent does that take? But then, you never claimed to have talent, did you, Simon, or did you? If you did, boy, would that take balls. But just being a pissed off ex-pat? That part’s easy – I can do that. Simon, you suck. Voila! Show me the money.
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Back to this Coke endorsement thing (Is it Coke? Pepsi? Did they make you take a challenge?) — is that feeding you well? And how about other endorsements? Surely there are some. Are you asking yourself yet, "This is not my beautiful house, this is not my beautiful wife, how did I get here…?"
Well, you dug your own grave, Simon. As Bob might say of you Simon, “People seldom do what they believe in. They do what is convenient, then repent.” But I doubt very much Cowell would repent. I cannot see Simon Cowell down on his knees, humbling himself for anyone because he’s just too high and mighty for that. He’s a brick house as they say. He likes that song. As I recall, a contestant sang that last season and it seemed to fly pretty well with Simon. Is he a solid brick shithouse himself? Yes, that’s a compliment. He’s solid and strong. A regular rock of Gibraltar. A man who is an island entire of himself... John Donne was wrong. How about that? Simon knows more than not only Bob Dylan, but John Donne as well. He’s an island, Dylan is a poet.
As for Dylan, if a singing ‘poet’ bores you to tears, consider that it's something that Dylan constantly claimed not to be — he never liked being defined. “I define nothing. I define nothing. Not beauty, not patriotism. I take each thing as it is, without prior rules about what it should be.”
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The thing about Simon Cowell is that he keeps boring us with the same thing from season to season: sure, of course, disagree. You may not like Dylan. Or, you may like American Idol, or you may like both, and frankly, I had no issue with both and found Cowell rather amusing until he made this snipe which is not only boring in and of itself, it’s just plain nasty.
This coming from the man who brings us the same wavering voice, the same songs, the same ‘minxes’ season after season. Ah, what he likes; Nabokov would have a field day. Is this ‘nympholepsy’ as Vladimir might say, or just what turns Cowell on or what he likes to tell us, because that is boring and perhaps we, the viewers, could care less about a judge who has a certain thing for a singer who is a ‘minx,’ so when you talk to me, Simon, about a “singing poet” who bores you, sure, express your opinion - welcome to America, by the way - but let me tell you, you are not only dead wrong in your description and definition of where you so neatly want to fit Dylan and into which social register — which must be frustrating as hell because everybody wants to neatly box and define everybody else for reasons that are beyond me — but remember Simon, that you bore us.
Your recent comments regarding Dylan? Dead boring.
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You’re not going to Hollywood. Next...
Bob Dylan bores me to tears -- Simon Cowell
Don't expect to see Bob Dylan joining the celebrities on "American Idol" anytime soon.
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One of the show's judges, Simon Cowell, says he has never bought a Dylan record because he "bores me to tears."
The British pop impresario says in the February issue of Playboy that he would "plug my ears and run in the other direction" if he were to see a 21-year-old Dylan singing "Blowin' in the Wind."
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Cowell, 47, is not known for holding back when it comes to issuing verdicts on the wannabe stars who flock to the top-rated talent show. Last season, he said a female contestant was so fat that the stage should be enlarged, and he suggested that another hopeful should shave his beard and wear a dress.
On the other hand, he told Playboy that inaugural champ Kelly Clarkson is "a young Aretha Franklin," and he much preferred her music to Dylan's.
Simon says: Bob Dylan’s too boring for my show
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ON the one hand, you have a hugely influential singer who has sold 60million records and was once known as the voice of his generation.
On the other, you have a showbiz mogul who's best-known for updating old TV shows like Opportunity Knocks and acerbically putting down the people who appear on them.
Simon Cowell (for it is he) has dismissed Bob Dylan as too boring'.
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Cowell says he wouldn't want Dylan - recently voted No2 rock act of all time after the Beatles - on one of his shows.
continued...
Not that Dylan would ever be seen dead on the X Factor, of course.
His Modern Times album, hailed as his best for years, topped the US charts and the Best Of 2006 lists in both Billboard and Rolling Stone magazines.
He's also become a radio DJ, with his own show, which can now be heard in the UK.
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And tickets for his April 11 show in Glasgow are disappearing faster than you can say Simon Cowell'.
But the too boring' jibe could be applied to other showbiz types, like the entire Celebrity Big Brother crew, who are dull beyond reproach.
Or you might think that Posh 'n' Becks, Jodie Marsh, Gary Barlow, Gwyneth and Chris Martin, and James Blunt all qualify instead.
Who gets your vote?
'American Idol' judge Simon Cowell says Bob Dylan 'bores me to tears'
While Dylan's "Modern Times" album recently made him the oldest musician to top U.S. music charts, Cowell dismissed the rocker's wishes to be a judge on "Idol" by claiming it would not benefit the series in the end, The Guardian said.
"I've got to tell you, if I had 10 Dylans in the final of 'American Idol,' we would not be getting 30 million viewers a week," Cowell said. "I don't believe the Bob Dylans of this world would make 'American Idol' a better show."
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Cowell claimed he would rather listen to the works of "Idol" winner Kelly Clarkson.
"A singing poet? It just bores me to tears,"
Simon Cowell vs. Bob Dylan
Simon Cowell finds
Bob Dylan "boring" and prefers to listen to
Kelly Clarkson, he has revealed.
The American Idol impresario has dismissed the talents of the rock 'n' roll legend in a new interview.
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"A singing poet? It just bores me to tears," he told a U.K. tabloid, before explaining the relative merits of Clarkson against Dylan.
He continued: "If I had 10 Dylans in the final of American Idol, we would not get 30 million viewers."
Bob Dylan has yet to respond to Simon Cowell's comments.
Simon Cowell finds
Bob Dylan "boring" and prefers to listen to
Kelly Clarkson, he has revealed.
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The American Idol impresario has dismissed the talents of the rock 'n' roll legend in a new interview.
"A singing poet? It just bores me to tears," he told a U.K. tabloid, before explaining the relative merits of Clarkson against Dylan.
He continued: "If I had 10 Dylans in the final of American Idol, we would not get 30 million viewers."
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Bob Dylan has yet to respond to Simon Cowell's comment
Bob Dylan bores me to tears -- Simon Cowell
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Don't expect to see Bob Dylan joining the celebrities on "American Idol" anytime soon.
One of the show's judges, Simon Cowell, says he has never bought a Dylan record because he "bores me to tears."
The British pop impresario says in the February issue of Playboy that he would "plug my ears and run in the other direction" if he were to see a 21-year-old Dylan singing "Blowin' in the Wind."
Cowell, 47, is not known for holding back when it comes to issuing verdicts on the wannabe stars who flock to the top-rated talent show. Last season, he said a female contestant was so fat that the stage should be enlarged, and he suggested that another hopeful should shave his beard and wear a dress.
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On the other hand, he told Playboy that inaugural champ Kelly Clarkson is "a young Aretha Franklin," and he much preferred her music to Dylan's.
'Bob Dylan bores me to tears'
Los Angeles - Don't expect to see Bob Dylan joining the celebrities on American Idol anytime soon.
One of the show's judges, Simon Cowell, says he has never bought a Dylan record because he "bores me to tears".
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The British pop impresario says in the February issue of Playboy that he would "plug my ears and run in the other direction" if he were to see a 21-year-old Dylan singing Blowin' in the Wind.
Cowell, 47, is not known for holding back when it comes to issuing verdicts on the wannabe stars who flock to the top-rated talent show. Last season, he said a female contestant was so fat that the stage should be enlarged, and he suggested that another hopeful should shave his beard and wear a dress.
On the other hand, he told Playboy that inaugural champ Kelly Clarkson is "a young Aretha Franklin", and he much preferred her music to Dylan's.
Bert Jansch, Roundhouse, London
Bert Jansch's lifelong dialogue with American music has been fruitful. As a boy, the Scottish folk guitarist was obsessed with the Mississippi bluesman Big Bill Broonzy. Later he was a key figure in the 1960s London folk scene that introduced Bob Dylan and Paul Simon to traditional British song. In the 1970s, his work was an influence on Neil Young.
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On his latest album, The Black Swan, Jansch looks to new acolytes across the Atlantic for creative input. It features contributions from the Californian "freak-folk" star Devendra Banhart and members of Philadelphia's Espers. It was produced by Noah Georgeson, the San Franciscan who has worked with Banhart and the harpist Joanna Newsom.
Jansch "tied up the acoustic guitar in the same way that Hendrix did the electric", Neil Young once said. But live he's the anti-thesis of the rock god, shambling silently to his seat, pint in hand. He'd spat out the first lines of a wonderfully disgust-filled "It Don't Bother Me" before most people noticed that he'd started.
There were guest appearances from three Brits, the singer-songwriter Beth Orton, the dobro and lap-steel player Paul Wassif (both contributors to The Black Swan) and the guitarist Bernard Butler. Orton was the only disappointment: her wavering singing on the desolate "Katie Cruel" and the bluegrass gospel of "Watch the Stars" didn't do justice to Jansch's beautiful fretwork.
Butler provided gracefully tremoloed accompaniment to Jansch's astonishing manual contortions on the spiralling instrumental "Casbah" and the exquisite pastoral love song "Fresh as a Sweet Sunday Morning". Wassif, too, was an elegant foil, particularly on the relaxed, Cajun-inflected "Black Cat Blues".
There was something fascinating about watching Jansch on his own, though. He fully inhabited the fatalistic worlds of "Carnival" and "Blues Run the Game", both written by Jackson C Frank. The Irish prison ballad "The Old Triangle", a high point of The Black Swan, is a spare, moving evocation of despair in the shadow of the noose. "Let Me Sing", written for the Chilean musician Victor Jara, who was murdered by Pinochet's death squads, was equally potent.
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By the end, Jansch was onstage with all three of his young guests for a sparkling rendition of the redemptive "When the Sun Comes Up". It was heartening to see the night rounded off so persuasively. At 66, Jansch is enjoying an Indian summer; it'll be intriguing to see who the "dazzling stranger" works with next, American or otherwise.
Bullied boy wins £38k
A Croydon teenager who was severely bullied at school last week walked away from a prime time television show with £38,000.
Dylan Cobb, from Shirley Road, tried his luck on the new ITV show Fortune: Million Pound Giveaway which was aired last Tuesday night.
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The show gives members of the public an opportunity to ask for a share of £1million to help make their dreams come true.
Five millionaires - Croydon entrepreneur and Ann Summers chief executive Jacqueline Gold, chairman and owner of Crystal Palace Football Club Simon Jordan, former politician and author Jeffrey Archer, Scottish entrepreneur Duncan Bannatyne and the MOBOs founder Kanya King - decide who deserves the cash.
But with just a minute to convince the panel of judges, many bidders get turned away.
However, 14-year-old Dylan, whose family claim he is one of the brainiest kids in the country, gave a heartfelt plea. He described the years of torment he had suffered at the hand of bullies and his dream to go to private college.
Advertisement continued...
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Dylan said: "At six I was severely bullied at school, yet I still managed to attain GCSEs in maths and IT. I want to go to college to gain the right qualifications for university entry."
His plea was successful, with four out of the five judges agreeing to hand over the cash.
Speaking at their home this week, Dylan's mum Anita Cobb said she never expected to get the money: "I was totally shocked because I didn't think anyone understood our predicament.
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"We were absolutely desperate. Although it sounds great that he's got these qualifications he was never going to achieve them with me as a teacher and he's never had the education he's needed."
Dylan has now started at his new school - Campbell Harris in Kensington - and according to Anita, he is loving it.
And it seems his appearance on the show has even turned him into an unlikely celebrity.
Anita explained: "He's getting recognised everywhere. People in Croydon have even taken pictures of him on their mobile phones.
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"I know there are lots of parents who would love to have that money and I am just so, so grateful.
"I will keep in touch with the judges and have written to thank them."
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Wednesday, January 17, 2007
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